


Like an Eagle, I Soar, Violette

by MultiGoddess



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Additional Warnings Apply, Age Difference, Angst, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Crying, Death, F/M, Government, Military, Murder, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Titans, Triggers, Vomiting, not a fun time honestly, oof
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27960248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultiGoddess/pseuds/MultiGoddess
Summary: Lane Quinn isn't one to act out of place. She listens and she listens well. But that doesn't mean that she is weak. When Wall Maria fell, along with it, Lane's life fell as well. In the aftermath of tragedy, a new door opens. Whether that door leads to her demise isn't something that she is worried about as she takes his hand.-----"Dear Violette,I know I've been a little late with this letter. I know, I know. You can yell about it later.But today has been a weird one. The new recruits have finally arrived, way more than I expected. We also have a new boy in our squad, poor kid doesn't know how to clean correctly so he's getting the scolding of a lifetime. We are scheduled for an expedition in a few weeks so I probably won't be able to write very often again. Sorry, but I promise to make it back alive.I miss you so much, my love. Really, I can't wait for the day that I get to see your face again. Sadly, that day is probably a long ways away. But until then, I'll write to you.I love you my sweet,Momma"
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

“Momma!”

“Yes, my love?” Lane hummed as she squeezed the plush hand in her grip. Victoria skipped alongside her mother, eyes trailing along the market, watching the people bustle around.

“Can we get something for Papa?” Victoria smiled as she pulled her mother’s hand towards a stall. “It’ll make Papa happy!”

“I know sweetheart, but we don’t have the time. Papa wants us home by sundown.” Lane crouched down to be at eye level with her daughter, pointing to the pinkish sky. “See? The sun is already going down. We’ll get something later okay?”

“But Momma!” The girl whined as she was lifted into her mother’s arms. Her mother was the prettiest momma in the entire world. Her black, coal-like hair sitting in long waves and curls along her shoulders, her long bangs invading the space of her almost violet eyes. No matter how long or how much Victoria looked, she could never find someone with the same colored eyes as her momma. Her momma was rare and beautiful. Kind and pristine. Victoria’s favorite momma was the momma who smiled so kindly at Victoria. Her momma wasn’t like the sun, bright and obvious. Her momma was more like the moon, pale light quietly guiding you but still warm and sweet in a small way.

“What do you want for dinner, Violette? Stew-”

“Meat!” Victoria raised her balled fist into the sky as she yelled, gaining some bystanders’ attention. 

“There is meat in stew, baby. You can’t have just meat.” Lane hummed as she turned the corner, her steps hasty and rushed as she made her way towards their home, child in one arm and a basket of groceries in the other. Her eyes were glued on her child, watching as her small eyebrows pinched in thought. Her rosy, plush cheeks were squished as she rested her face on Lane’s shoulder. Victoria looked like an odd mixture of her father and her mother. Her hair a dark rustic brown with blue eyes and pale skin. Her features looked like Lane, a small nose and plush pink lips paired with wide eyes. As she aged she looked more like Lane, in only four short years she already looked so much more like her.

“But I don’t want celery!” Victoria cried as she buried her face in her mother’s blouse. Lane laughed as she rested her cheek on her child’s head, closing her eyes to bask in her warmth.

“Fine, I won’t put celery in i-” Before Lane could finish her sentence, she collided with something. Dropping her basket but maintaining a strong grip onto her child. Lane sighed as she sat Victoria down and looked to see what she ran into, only to see a young boy.

“Oh, dear. I am so sorry!” Lane kneeled to help the boy up into his feet, helping him dust off his clothes.

“Nah, it’s my bad. I ran into you.” The boy pouted as he looked to see her scattered groceries.

“No, no. I shouldn’t have closed my eyes. Are you hurt?” Lane hesitantly placed her hands on the boy’s squishy cheeks to look for scrapes. The boy’s face reddened as he nudged her hands away, clearing his throat.

“No, I’m fine.” He mumbled as his eyes continued to stare at the ingredients on the ground, Victoria already picking some up and placing them back into the basket. “Sorry about your groceries.”

“Oh, no. It’s fine. I’d rather you be fine and bruise some of my groceries than having you get hurt. I can always wash them.” Lane smiled sweetly as she turned to help her daughter pick up the food.

“Look, momma! I helped!” Victoria bragged as she looked at the boy, who had knelt down to help as well.

“Yes, you did. Thank you. What would I do without you?” Lane kissed her daughter’s cheek before turning to the brunette boy, smiling kindly. “Thank you so much.” He just nodded as he focused solely on his task.

“Can I ask your name?” Lane tilted her head to get a better look at his bright green eyes, they were pretty.

“Eren Yeager.” He mumbled with a slight pout. Lane chuckled as she looked at the cute boy.

“Hello, Eren. I’m Lane Quinn-”

“My name is Victoria Violette Quinn!” Victoria yelled as she scooted closer to the boy, her blue eyes boring into his green. “I am this many years old,”-she held up four fingers, “How old are you? Wanna be my friend? I don’t have any friends.”

“Uh,” Eren’s eyes strayed back to Lane as he cocked an eyebrow. “I’m 10. Sure, we can be friends, if it’s okay with your sister.”

“My sister?” Victoria pouted as she huffed. “I don’t have a sister. That’s my momma.”

“Ah, yes. I am her mother.” Lane smiled as she finished placing her groceries into her basket.

“But how old are you? You don’t look old enough to be her mom!” Eren yelled loudly.

“I’m 17. I had Victoria when I was very young.” Lane forced another smile as she stood up, helping the kids to their feet. “Oh, it’s dark out.” Lane’s heart dropped as she looked to the now dark sky. There was nothing to do about it as she sighed and looked back down to the boy. “You should head home. Do you need help?”

“Wha?” Eren sputtered as he looked to the teenager, still somewhat reeling from the conversation.

“It’s dangerous for children to walk around at night. We can walk you home if you don’t mind.” Lane rested her basket in the crease of her elbow as the boy nodded clumsily. “Okay, lead the way, Eren.”

Victoria somehow wrestled her way into holding Eren’s hand as they walked, talking about anything that came to her four-year-old mind.

“I wanna be a flower person when I get big!”

“A fleuriste.” Lane hummed.

“Yeah, what momma said!” Victoria yelled a little too loudly for night time, earning her a slight hush. “I’m gonna make pretty flowers.”

“I’m going to be a scout.” Eren said resolutely. “And see the outside world.”

“Like the Survey Corps?” Lane looked at the child. “You want to fight titans?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to stay cooped up and hiding in the walls.” Eren almost growled as he spoke, like he was speaking to someone else. “You gotta problem with it?”

“Hardly.” Lane waved the notion away with her hand. “I wanted to be a scout when I was younger as well. It takes a lot of dedication and bravery, so I’m amazed to say the least.”

“You wanted to be one?” Eren’s eyes seemed to fill with both relief and child-like wonder as he looked to Lane. “You don’t think it’s suicidal?”

“It is suicidal to some extent, but only to those who aren’t prepared or ready for the notion of death.” Lane hummed as they turned a corner. “It’s a respectable job that is needed a lot more than people would like to admit. It’s human nature to be scared of death and change, so it’s only natural that the Survey Corps is resented. It takes someone strong and brave to see the other side.” Eren’s eyes stayed glued onto Lane for a few beats, making the woman wonder if she had spoken out of line. However, when his mouth opened to speak, Lane couldn’t find any hint of insult in his so painfully bright eyes.

“Eren!” A girl’s voice yelled desperately before he could speak, a small girl with black hair just like Lane’s turning the corner. Pure, unadulterated relief flooded her dark eyes as she ran towards the boy, only to hesitate when she saw the other two. Her expression of relief quickly became guarded as she stared at Victoria still holding Eren’s hand in hers.

“Who are you?” She spat out lamely, her sharp eyes stabbing into Lane, any hint of emotion erased so quickly that Lane couldn’t help but feel a pang of empathy for the girl. “Why are you with Eren?”

“Ah, I’m Lane Quinn and this is my daughter Victoria.” Lane picked up Victoria, the child whining when she had to let go of the boy’s hand. “Eren and I bumped into each other and since it is dark out, I walked him home.”

“That’s it?” The girl looked over to Eren, slowly stepping closer to him. However, the boy just sighed dramatically as he groaned to the girl.

“Yes, that’s it Mikasa! I lost track of time and ran into Mrs. Quinn.”

“Did you get hurt anywhere?” The girl-Mikasa- looked over the boy as he tried to squirm away in embarrassment.

“No, I’m fine! Mrs. Quinn is nice, she didn’t hurt me at all.” Lane sighed as she smiled at the kids, hearing the banter continue.

“Well, Eren, Mikasa. It was nice to meet you both but we should get going and you both should head on inside-”

“Lane! Tori!” A loud voice, way too loud for night time, yelled into the air. “Lane I swear to the wall Maria that if you ran away with Tori, I will not hold back!”

“Papa?” Victoria cocked her head to Lane as her mother’s hold on her tightened ever so slightly. The voice was getting closer.

“Goodnight to the two of you. Sorry for bothering you both.” Lane rushed as she turned to walk off, Eren sputtering something and the voice still getting closer. Lane felt like she was going to puke.

“Get the fuck back right now! I gave you plenty of time to get your shit and head back you bitch!” The man yelled as he turned the corner, both Lane and him freezing in their spots. His eyes bore a searing hole through Lane before dissolving into an affectionate smile as Victoria squirmed out of Lane’s arms to run to her father.

“Papa!” Victoria cackled as he picked her up. Lane pointedly turned to usher both Mikasa and Eren back to their home, ignoring the complaints from the boy and wishing them a goodnight once again.  
Once they were inside, the man turned to look at Lane fully, still holding their daughter in his arms gently.

“Lane, my love. Do you want to explain what happened?” He spoke almost evenly, however a sinister undertone was not lost on the girl. “You have one minute.”

“Sir, I didn’t mean to. I swear!” Lane quickly walked to the man’s side, placing her soft and shaking hands on his forearm placatingly. “I just bumped into a boy and was worried he had gotten hurt so I accompanied him home. I lost track of the sun. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.”

“Papa?” Victoria interrupted as she picked up on her father’s mood and her mother’s fear. Victoria didn’t understand why momma was scared of papa. Papa was always so nice and loving towards Victoria, she couldn’t wish for a better papa. But sometimes he would get mad and when he got mad, he was scary.

“Let’s head home. It’s past Tori’s bedtime.” Kristian sighed as he kept his eyes on his wife. “Yes, my love?” Before Lane could move, he pressed a kiss onto the girl’s cold lips before walking ahead. She felt like she was going to puke. She made a mistake, a dumb one. She knew that this was all so painfully avoidable but she still made the wrong choice. She couldn’t even follow one simple instruction, so she didn’t complain or fight back as Kristian’s hand gripped her wrist tight enough to bruise as he dragged her home.

“Did you have fun, baby?”

“Yeah, bunches. I wanted to get a present for you but Momma said we didn’t have time. Sorry Papa.”

“It’s okay. I love you my angel. I love you and Momma more than anything in the whole world.

“I love you too, Papa!”

Lane ignored the burn of the bruises, nothing mattered as long as Victoria was happy. Lane would do anything just to keep Victoria smiling like this. As long as he didn’t hurt her daughter, Lane could play the role that she was assigned. And she would play it well.


	2. Chapter 2

“Night night, Momma.” Violette mumbled as she buried her face into her pillow.

“Goodnight, my angel.” I whispered as I placed a gentle kiss on her squishy cheek, making her whine as she curled tighter around her bunny doll, twisting her blanket around her legs. I sighed as I straightened out the sheets and blew out the lamp, making my way to the door hesitantly. I could sleep in Violette’s room. I could avoid Kristian altogether, but that would make him angrier. I didn’t want this to wake up my love. I didn’t want her to see what Kristian made me. I hated the person that he made me. So, without another thought, I walked out into the hallway, closing her door tightly. I turned my head to see the flame still flickering in the living room, so there he was.

“Lane, my love?” Kristian called out, hushed, the term made me freeze in my spot. I hated it. I hated it when he bought me from that creepy man when I was 13 and I still hated it now.

“Coming, dear.” I played the role that I was assigned. I couldn’t slip up, if I did then Violette would be dragged into this. The one purity I had in my life, that I could hold in my hand. The one white, pure, warm feeling buried deep in my heart that I didn’t want to taint, I owed to my daughter. So, even if it killed me. I would play this damned role and I would play it well. Once I walked into the light of the lamp, I could see Kristian already standing, waiting. He cocked an eyebrow as he held out his hand for me to take.

“Well?” He grunted as he cocked his head. “Are you going to take your punishment quietly or am I going to have to wake Tori-” I took his hand, walking closer to him with my lips still shut tight. A small smile graced his face, his hand brushing my stray raven curl away from my face. His hand lingered on my face as he brought his close to mine. “I love you, you know that right? So much.”

“I know, Sir.” I whispered as I felt his lips plant onto mine, much too moist and hot. My hands clenched as I forced myself to my place, taking whatever he chose to give me. I would forsake my pride if it meant that Violette could remain happy. I’ve already done it countless times, so once more wouldn’t wound me.  
I sucked in a breath when Kristian pulled away, he stepped back, staring at my face with steely eyes.

“Strip.” He spat, all of that feigned love in his voice gone. I nodded as I slipped off my blouse, ignoring the sting of bruises on my abdomen pulling. He stood there and watched me as I stripped myself of my clothes until I was bare. I just prayed to any God that hadn’t forsaken me yet that either Violette wouldn’t come out of her room or he would choose to take this to our shared bedroom. However, there I stood, with this man’s eyes still glued onto me as he bent over to blow out the last remaining flame in the house. I couldn’t help but feel my stomach drop when darkness invaded every crevice in our house, making his big frame seem even more intimidating in the shadows.

“Kneel.” He spoke in the darkness. I couldn’t hear him move, so I assumed that he was still standing where he was before. Right in front of me. “Now, bitch.” He growled when I didn’t follow fast enough, his hand digging into my hair as he pushed me onto the ground. My knees clattered painfully on the wooden floor, echoing through the house. I felt the hand retreat before rustling stole my attention. I closed my eyes to focus more on the sound, only until light filled the room once again. Kristian held a match in one hand and a loose candle in the other.

“Should I burn you with the match or the candle? Pick one.” His eyes stayed even as he watched me, his blue eyes raking down my much too skinny form. My mind halted on his question. He never took it this far, at least after Violette was born. The few months after he bought me, before Violette was conceived, he was ruthless and hateful. But after my angel was born, he seemed to steer clear of punishments or abuse that would result in obvious injuries or injuries that would impede on my day-to-day life. If he burned me, Violette would surely find out. Anything but that.

“Burn me?” I whispered, my thighs starting to burn from my kneeled position. I risked a glance down the hall, looking at Violette’s closed door. “But, if you do that Sir, Violette will find out.”

“She already has.” My eyes shot back to him, my mind blanking. I tried to stand up in my panic, earning me another shove to the ground. I stumbled and stuttered on questions and phrases that I, myself, couldn’t make out before Kristian seemed to take pity on me and sighed. “She is suspicious. You don’t hide the bruises well enough apparently. She saw the one on your arm when you were picking up the fruit that one brat knocked over. She asked me about it.”

“She did?” I whimpered as I looked down to my arm to see the hand shaped bruise. It was right above my elbow, where my sleeve should have covered it. But apparently it hadn’t. The one white, pure feeling I held in me was slipping through my fingers.

“Honestly, I couldn’t care less if she found out. I was only keeping it a secret because you asked.” He smiled a little as he spoke, leaning down to get in my space. “Isn’t that benevolent of me. Doing as you say even though I own you. You should worship me, but instead you go against simple instructions I give you. I could replace you, y’know. I could replace both you and Tori. You are getting a little too old for me anyway and Tori is getting into her rebellious phase.”

“Wha-”

“So pick. Should I burn you with the match or the candle. Remember, whichever you pick the other will be used on Tori.”

“You can’t!” I screamed before I could think about it, hoping that I didn’t wake Violette. My mind raced as I tried to process his words. I stared at his furious eyes, opting to revise my sentence. “You can’t replace us. You said that you loved me and Violette. I’m only 17 so I am still young and I can always correct Violette’s behavior if you see it as unfit.” When I could see that my words meant nothing to him, I took a chance. A chance that I hadn’t taken often. Only once before when he dug a kitchen blade into my arm a month after he bought me.

“I love you.” I could feel the words burn my throat like lit oil, my hands were shaking as my nails dug into my thighs to keep my mind as steady as possible. His eyebrow raised as he took a step closer to me, dropping the long burned out match and the candle onto the floor with a clatter. He kneeled down to my level, his left hand carding through my hair as the other wrapped around my throat, not squeezing but a slight press of his fingers warned me. Tears welled up into my eyes at the idea that if I failed to get through to him this one time, he would hurt Violette. So painfully easy as well, as if he hadn’t loved her for her four years of life. Did he? Did he truly love her? I didn’t even know if his love for me was love or just obsession or ownership, so how could I be the judge of whether he loved my daughter or not.

“I love you so much.” I choked on my sobs as I tried to keep quiet enough not to wake Violette. “I’m sorry I angered you. I love you. You can do whatever you want to me, anything at all. But please just don’t touch Violette. I lo-”

“Liar.” He growled as his fingers dug into both my scalp and my neck, cutting off my words. “You think I’m stupid enough to fall for that?”

“No, of course not Sir. It’s the truth, I promise.” I wheezed as he pushed me onto my back, the floor cold on my skin and his clothes scraping my chest as he crowded over me. Before I could say anything else, he was all over me. His mouth on mine, his hands groping wherever they could, his leg pushing mine apart. I choked on his spit as I scrambled to push him off, hearing the door open in the distance of my focus.

“Momma? Papa?” Violette’s voice called sweetly from down the hall, making both of us look up. My heart stopped as my skin grew clammy, my blood cold.

“Go back to bed.” Kristian yelled, the act of being loving he had been playing no longer important to him.

“Where’s Momma?” Her voice was growing closer as I was still trapped under Kristian. I squirmed, trying to get out but he was too heavy. I finally found my voice, although wobbly.

“Don’t worry, baby. Just head back to bed.” I called back to her, tears still streaming down my face as I prayed again to a God that she would listen for once. But that prayer died in my throat as I saw her round the corner and look straight at me, our eyes meeting.  
It all seemed to happen in slow motion. Her eyes scanning the scene, falling on my tears and the discarded flammables. She seemed to focus on the bruise that was also forming on my throat and the scowl she was earning from Kristian.

“Are you hurting Momma?” Her voice came out in a squeak, tears beading in her lashes.

“Go back to bed.” He spat, his weight lifting off of me slightly.

“Get off my Momma or I’ll scream for the police.” Violette’s eyes sharpened. I was almost amazed by the amount of anger a four year old could speak with her eyes alone if it weren’t for Kristian launching himself at her. A scream echoed in the walls, I didn’t know if it was me or Violette who had screamed, as my body moved on its own. I leapt out after Kristian, grabbing the back of his neck and slamming all of my body weight on him. He cried out as he hit the edge of the table and then the floor but I didn’t care as I sped over to Violette, grabbing her hand and dragging her to her room. I could hear the shouts and stomps of Kristian behind me as I slammed the door shut, locking the door and proceeding to block it with the bookshelf and the dresser. Only then did I look back at my daughter, who was sobbing, her eyes still glued to my injuries.

“Momma are you hurting?” She cried as I pulled her blanket and pillows off the bed, making sure to grab her plushie as well, setting it all up against the barricade before I motioned for Violette to lay with me.

“I’m okay my love. It’ll be okay. Momma will figure it out.” I hummed, feeling Violette press her cheek against my bare chest, her tears soaking into me. “I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you.”  
And I was telling the truth. I wouldn’t dare to let him lay a finger on her. I was never an optimist. I knew all things had to come to a close. Be it good or bad. And I could hardly call my time with that man anything but a nightmare. But, lately, I felt like it was do-able. I could suck it up and live with this monster as long as it kept Violette ignorant and happy. I was fine with it. Even if it meant regular beatings, a foreign body invading my own every other night, the constant fear. If he kept his hands and harsh words away from Violette then it was okay. It hurt to watch her love the man who had taken so much from me, bought off my virginity and my freedom, but he was her father and it made her happy. If it kept that one white, purity in my life, then I would do it.

We ended up falling asleep like that, Violette’s head pinned tight to my chest and my back against the hardwood dresser. I waited for Kristian’s bedroom door to slam before I allowed my eyes to droop. I would deal with everything tomorrow.

\----

“Momma?”

“Momma, wake up.”

“Momma!” I woke up to a bounce in my lap and a child’s warm hands cupping my cheeks. I groaned the sleep away, sighing as I looked at Violette. Her hair was sticking in every direction and her cheek was smeared with drool. “Papa hasn’t come out of his room today.”

“He hasn’t?” I hummed as I stood up, stretching my aching body before fetching the clothes that I kept hidden in Violette’s dresser in case I had to hide in here with her. “Then, we’ll sneak out and eat some treats at the market. How does that sound?” I turned to Violette as I held her clothes for the day. I knew that running away with little to no plan was out of the question. It would have been possible if it were just me. But I didn’t want to risk it with my daughter, so I would have to think more about it.

“Okay!” Violette hopped on her feet as she let me dress her. It didn’t take long for me to dress her, however once we got her shoes on we heard a hand beat on the door. Both of us froze as we waited, waited for him to speak or go away.

“Lane, Tori-”

“Don’t call me Tori!” Violette spat before I could cover her mouth. Her eyes seemed to spit the same fire as her lips as she stared at the blocked door. We could hear Kristian sigh before speaking again.

“Victoria, I’m sorry. I went a little too hard.” His voice was bland as he tested the doorknob only to find that it was still locked.

“You hurt Momma. Papas don’t hurt Mommas.”

“Lane, my love.” He ignored Violette as he continued. “Someone is coming to pick you two up so I suggest that you two pack some stuff-”

“What? Pick us up?” My voice spoke, my hands started to shake. I had a sinking feeling that I knew what he meant but I wanted to hear it from his own mouth.

“Yes, I feel like we should take some time apart so I could revise my actions. Don’t you agree Victoria?” His voice was sickeningly sweet through the door but I could still tell that he was lying through his teeth. “I don’t want to hurt Momma anymore.”  
He wasn’t lying when he said that.

He doesn’t want to hurt me.

He’s over it. Bored of it.

So he’s going to leave the job to someone else.

“We’ll pack.” I said before Violette could interrupt. “What time will they be here?”

“After lunch. You have until then.” His footsteps could be heard as he walked away and the front door slammed. But, I still remained frozen in my spot. The time to think about this logically and thoroughly was yanked away from me. We didn’t have long before the people were coming. I didn’t know who they were but I had a good idea on where they would take us. I wouldn’t let my daughter share the same fate as I. So, quickly, I grabbed our bags, shoving random clothes and anything that seemed important into the sacks. 

“Momma?” Violette’s voice shivered as she held her bunny close to her, her whole body trembling.

“I know baby. We have to leave.” I spoke as calmly as I could, surprising even myself at the quality of it. “I won’t let them take us away.”

“But Momma-”

“Come on.” I grabbed her hand, pushing the barricade out of the doorway before opening it. I listened for a few moments, making sure that we were alone. I didn’t have time to hesitate, nor time to make mistakes. I would have to be as thorough and swift as possible. Only then would we make it out of this together and safe.

“I’m scared.” Violette whimpered as we made our way out the front door and into the street. Her hand still grasped in mine.

“I know and it’s okay to be. This is scary.” I spoke quickly as I tried to think of where to go. “But, you don’t have to be worried. I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll figure something out.”

I didn’t know where to go. Where would be safest? Could we make it out of Shiganshina before Kristian would pursue us? I could feel my breathing pick up as I started to panic. This was all too much for me. I was never ready to be a mother, let alone a wife to a man whom I despised. I was never ready for my own parents selling me off to a man who was too friendly and had no concept of personal space. I never asked for that man to sell me to the highest bidder. I never asked for any of this. But that doesn’t matter. I am strong. I have to be. If I’m not strong then I’ll lose the one good thing that has ever happened to me.  
So even if it meant running away from everyone in the entire world, I would make it out of this with my daughter in my arms.

We headed towards the passage into the inner walls. I would find a way in, even if it meant swallowing my pride once again.

\----

“Momma, look at the clock!” Violette yelled, pointing to the clock mounted on one of the buildings we were walking past. My heart dropped as I saw the time, Kristian would be looking for us any minute now. We were still a little far from the entrance. And even when we made it, it would take time to convince them to let us through without money or documents, if they eventually agreed. I had no other plan. This had to work. With him here, Violette and I couldn’t live a new life.

“Sweetheart, I need you to stay super silent.” I murmured for only her to hear as I picked her up, deeming it faster instead of having to accommodate for her short legs. “I promise that when we get out, me and you will do everything you’ve ever wanted to do. Buy toys, each sweets, stay out past curfew, absolutely everything. You can make a lot of friends where we are going. But before that, Mommy needs you to stay quiet okay?” Violette nodded, miming a zipper closing over her mouth. My heart warmed, she could make everything alright. Even if I was bleeding out, as long as she was somewhere safe, I could die happily.

I weaved through the gathering crowd, wondering why so many people were standing facing the wall. I didn’t bother to look at whatever they were staring at until Violette gasped.

“Momma, Eren!” I turned my head to see the little boy from yesterday with the girl Mikasa and another blonde boy. They also stood, staring at the wall, scared and horrified. And so, I looked with them. I was met with the giant face of a titan. One taller than the wall. The wall that was supposed to keep them out. Why was he staring right back at us? I distantly heard Violette scream as she looked with me before I covered her eyes with my trembling hand. I couldn’t breathe as I heard the wails of the people around me, some people turning to run away. But I couldn’t move, no matter how terrified I was, my feet were stuck in their place. My knees buckled as I could see the wall crack beneath the titan’s hands.

“Mommy!” Violette sobbed as I cradled her head closer to me, scrambling to get back to my feet only to be knocked back down by a deafening crash and a surge of wind. I could hear Violette wince and other people wailing but it was far away beneath the ringing in my ears and the fogginess of my eyes. 

“The Wall!”

“Dear God!”

“Run!”

People screamed and trampled over one another as I finally lifted myself and my angel up, turning to look at the wall. I choked as I saw the hole in the wall, titans pouring into it. I could vaguely process the feeling of being dragged back to my feet and yanked back as my grip turned death tight on Violette. The only thing that was running through my mind was;

“The wall is compromised. Titans are in. We’re all going to die.”


	3. Chapter 3

“We’re gonna die!”

“Oh God, open your eyes. Baby, please!”

“Where are the soldiers?”

My mind was still foggy as I staggered back, the hand still gripping my bicep hard enough to bruise. I could feel Violette thrashing around and sobbing but my death grip still remained. My eyes watched as titans devoured those closest to the wall. People begging as blood poured out and bones snapped. I needed to run. I knew this but my body wouldn’t agree with me.

“Let go of Momma!” Violette screamed as she slapped at the hand on my bicep. Her chest was wheezing under her shaking breaths, her face streamed with snot and tears.

“Stop it Tori!” It felt like my soul was shoved back into my body, everything snapping back into place, as I turned my head to finally look at the person holding my arm. Kristian gritted his teeth as he dragged me back towards the houses. I flinched hard enough to rip myself free, Violette still slapping at him.

“I hate you Papa! I hate you!” Violette cried as I ran away from both Kristian and the titans that were walking closer. I could feel my own breathing stagger as I didn’t think, I only ran, my arms still wrapped tightly around Violette.

“Oh God.” I muttered to myself, looking down at Violette as my feet still slapped onto the pavement. “Don’t worry, Momma’s gonna get us out of this. Nothing can hurt you, I won’t let it.”

“Get back here!” Kristian screamed from behind us. I didn’t bother to turn my head to see how close he was, I just continued to sprint. I turned the corner, freezing as I saw a smaller titan. It’s hand wrapped around a man who begged for his mother.

“Momma?” Violette’s voice was a mere shaky whisper as my feet staggered backward. I pushed her face into my neck as the titan bit down, blood splattering on the roofs of the nearby houses and us. I could feel my daughter flinch as the hot liquid slapped us, hearing the bones snap, skin tear, and the cries stop. I had to get out of here. Now.

“Lane!” Kristian’s voice was thin in the sheer mass of the titan turning its eyes onto me and Violette. I didn’t think as I turned to run the other way, turning back around the corner. If it followed me, fine. I would just lead it to Kristian. Nothing mattered as long as Violette made it out. No matter how many people I had to step on, we would make it out.  
I could see the evacuation boats a ways away, if I sprinted and avoided everything I could make it. We would be safe and out of Shiganshina. I didn’t spare Kristian a glance, dodging his hand as I ran past him, the titan still stumbling behind me.

“I’m scared mommy! I’m scared! Make it stop!” Violette gasped on her sobs as her small hands clenched into my blouse. I could feel her tears soaking into my shirt along with my own sweat.

“I know. I’m sorry, we’ll make it out. We’ll get out of here without Papa! We’re almost there.” I wheezed on my air, which was coming harder to breathe in. When we made it to the crowd of people waiting to board the boat I weaved further into the crowd and ducked down so Kristian couldn’t see us, if he was still alive or even there, I no longer knew. 

“Let us on! There’s still room!” A man yelled from in front of me.

“It’s at full capacity, send it off!” One of the soldiers ignored the man, waving to another. My heart dropped to my feet as I could hear Violette whimper at his sentence. I had to get Violette out of here.

“Please, at least let our children on!” A woman begged.

“Please! I only have one! Let her on!” I yelled, shuffling closer to the ship. The ship started to move, urging people to try the jump across to get aboard. Some made it and others fell straight down. I thought about tossing Violette aboard but knew that it wouldn’t work, my arms weren’t strong enough and Violette wouldn’t be able to pull herself up. I didn’t have time to wait for another boat, the titans were getting closer. So, I turned and made a split second decision to pass through the walls where the canons were placed. It would be hard but it was better than standing here and waiting to either be trampled or eaten by a Titan.

“Momma?” I ran away from the crowd, towards the sounds of canons and screaming with my arms still wrapped around Violette.

“We’re gonna get out. Just not by the boat, I’m taking us to the soldiers.” I huffed as I turned a corner to avoid a titan who was devouring a woman. “They’ll protect us and we can get through the wall and away from here.”

“And then we can have a date?” Her voice was small as her hands gripped me tighter, surly tight enough that her fingernails were biting into her.

“Of course. Once we get out we’ll go on that date.” I rambled as I ducked into an abandoned house that hadn’t been crushed yet. I placed Violette down so we could both duck to hide under the window, speaking quieter as the titans passed us. “We’ll have so much fun and eat everything you could possibly want.” I lightly covered my angel’s mouth to ensure she stayed quiet as we heard a titan lurk by, each step shaking the entire house. Violette clenched her eyes tightly shut as the child that the titan was holding sobbed and begged to God. It made me sick to my stomach as I heard who was sure to be the child’s mother screaming for him and swore at the monster like it would listen to her pleas and demands. It was almost comical in a sick way.

Because of the loudness of the titan outside, neither of us heard the backdoor of the house open and shut quietly. Nor did we hear the shuffling of careful feet until there was a hand in my hair and another hand slapped over my mouth. Violette makes an aborted noise as she looks at the person behind me. My scalp burns as the person pulls harder on my black hair, forcing me to look at his face. Kristian sneers back at me, his face covered in blood and grime.

“Stop fucking running and come with me. Or I will kill you here.” He growls low enough not to alert the bumbling titans outside.

“Momma?” Violette whimpers as she goes to crawl closer, but stops when I raise my hand to stop her.

“I’m going to move my hand and you are going to stay fucking silent, you hear?” I didn’t hesitate to nod my head, feeling him lower his clammy palm from my lips. With the quiet sound of glass crunching under our shoes, Kristian guides me away from the window and towards the back entrance. Everytime a titan came by he froze, his hand shaking. He was scared. Terrified. He wasn’t thinking straight.

I could get away.

I let him guide us until we were outside, still crouched and chaos still so painfully loud around us. Violette muffled her sobs under her tiny hands as she looked to me for what to do. I could hear Kristian’s breathing become erratic as the screams of people became closer and the shaking of titan’s steps were now near us. It felt like everything was serene, my body was cold and my mind was stagnant as everything became so crystal clear to me. So before he could take us any further, I slammed my head back into his nose and my heel down into his toe. As he cried out, I pushed him as far away as I could, turning to Violette.

“Run.” I urged her as I scrambled to stand up. “Head towards the canons. Momma will catch up to you, I promise!” She hesitated as I turned to push Kristian back again, away from her, but after a moment she nodded and ran off. I would have to trust her, trust that she would stay safe, there was no other choice. If I went with her, he would follow us. I had to finish this chase now, once and for all.

“You bitch!” He growled as he lunged at me, hands outstretched towards me. I leaped to the left, my shoulder colliding with the mortar of the house, away from him. I hissed as I turned around to look at him straight, grabbing his wrists when his hands came close to me. As he yelled, stepping closer to me, I kicked his knee. He yelped as he fell back into the house and collided with the dining table, glass clattering everywhere. 

“Enough!” I tried to yell over him, no longer caring about the titans. They were not the priority at the moment. One thing at a time. “Enough of this! Leave us alone. We won’t speak of you, I promise. Nothing bad will come to you if we become free.”

“You whore!” He ignored me as he lunged at me, too quickly as he threw me towards the window. My head collided with the glass with a clear thunk, making my vision spin. Before I could retrieve my barings, his hands were around my throat, pining me to the window. My nails clawed into his arms, my feet kicking, my body squirming as I tried to get out. I couldn’t breathe, I was going to die if this continued. The house shook with the large steps of a titan as I slammed my head into the window. It rattled my skull but I continued to do it. His hands squeezed tighter as I could hear a faint crack beneath both the titan outside and the blood rushing in my head.  
Just as my vision began to blacken, the window shattered with the final knock of my head. Quickly I pulled Kristian with me as we fell out the window, using my feet to pitch him above me so he fell further into the street.

I gagged on the air rushing into my lungs, coughing as I reclaimed my surroundings. Pushing myself up, my hearing coming back to me in the form of screaming.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry Lane! Please don’t let me die! Please! I don’t wanna die!” I turned to see the titan that was walking by picking up Kristian as he kicked and sobbed. “Mommy! Daddy! I don’t want to die! Save me you bitch!”

I found that there was no voice in the back of my head telling me to do just that, save him. No conscious telling me to do the right thing. I didn’t care as I stood up and climbed back into the house and ran out the backdoor to make it back to Violette. There was no sick feeling as I heard the gurgles of blood and the snapping of bones, the pleads going silent. I don’t know if that made me evil or a monster at that moment, nor do I care. I would gladly become a monster if it meant that Violette would live  
I ran away from the titan and in the direction of the canons, looking down alleyways for Violette. I passed by some people who were running in the opposite direction, urging me to do the same but I shoved them away and continued on. I jogged down another alleyway as I whispered for my angel.

“Violette, my love?” I murmured as I turned the corner, my eyes scanning for her. “He’s gone. We’re safe n-”

“Momma!” Violette’s high pitched scream tore through me as I froze. I turned right and sprinted, following the sounds of Violette. Her sobs broke me as I turned another corner, slowing to a stop as I ran into another titan. The one that was sure to be the one that those people were running from earlier. My feet staggered back as I strained my neck to look up at its face. It was smiling right at me, its hand clutching something as it brought it to its mouth.

“Stop it! Momma save me!” Violette’s small, pained voice came from its fist, slapping me out of my stupor. I stumbled over myself as I ran closer to the titan, tears beading in my lashes as I reached my hands out in a dumb attempt to catch her.

“Put her down.” I wheezed as I came dangerously close to the titan, its fist clutching tighter. I heard bones crack as my angel screamed wetly. “Please don’t take her away from me. Give her back.” I sobbed.

I was never a religious person. I have long since lost all belief of a god that had decided that this life was my fate. But now, as I watched the titan bring my daughter, my pure white innocent love, into its mouth, I prayed. I prayed and prayed as I choked on a silent scream.

Take me

Take me

Take me instead

I beg of you

My knees buckled as I heard the blood curdling screams and pleas from Violette. She begged for her mother, for her father. She begged for her momma to save her. She begged to die as blood dripped down the titan’s chin.

Then it dropped her.

It dropped her when something else caught its attention, someone screaming or something. I didn’t care as I staggered to my feet and booked it with my arms outstretched to catch Violette.

Thank you

Thank you

Thank you God

As I watched her fall towards me, her mouth still pouring whimpers, I believed in a God. I thanked him. For once, he allowed me this one win. One thing had gone my way. I was blessed as I heard that she was still alive.  
But as she collided with me, catching her in my arms, I realized that if there is a God out there he can go fuck himself. Watching as my angel’s blood bubbled from her lips and her breaths shook her broken ribs, I realized that this wasn’t a second chance. This was a punishment. I ignored the pain shooting up from my arm that bared the weight of catching her as I tore off the edge of my skirt and pressed it to her stomach. The titan had only just bit into her abdomen before it dropped her. I sucked in a breath before I dragged her rigid body into a nearby house to shield us from possible titans. 

“Mo...mma….” Violette wheezed as her small fingers gripped my arm tightly. “It hurts.”

“I know baby.” I held in my tears as I pushed harder on her abdomen, earning a cry from her. Everything in me ached as I watched the blood pool around us, as I heard her breaths become harder and shakier, as her eyes looked to me for direction. What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to tell her?

“Momma please….” She sobbed as she shook uncontrollably under my hands. There was nothing I could do. No one was nearby, there was nothing that could patch up a hole in her stomach and her broken ribs in this godforsaken house. I could take a chance and pick her up and make a mad dash for the canons. But there was no guarantee that she would make it or that we could get there fast enough with all the titans.

“It’s gonna be okay.” I stuttered on my breaths as I looked her dead in her eyes. “But you have to keep your eyes open, okay? You can’t take a nap. You have to stay awake for momma. If you do, I promise that I will get you everything you could possibly ever want.”

“Really?” Her voice was so painfully thin as her cheeks lost their pinkish hue. “Even candy for dinner?”

“Even candy for dinner.” I chuckled as tears dripped from my lashes. Before I knew it, Violette’s small bloody hand was brushing it away, her hand so shaky as she wheezed on another painful breath.

“Why are you crying momma?” She whispered. “Boo boo? I’ll kiss it, make it better.” As her eyes bore into me and her blood soaking into my very being, a sob ripped from my throat.

“I’m fine.” I cried as I realized that this was it. The pure white feeling was sifting through my fingers. The one good thing in my life had run its course. I knew. I fucking knew. That all good things had to come to an end. But why now? Why did the one and only one good thing that had ever happened in my entire life have to end like this? When I couldn’t do anything but weep over her failing body and try to piece together the remaining shards of what used to be my happiness. My everything.

“I love you baby. Momma loves you so much.” I balled as I reached for her pale cheeks so she could look at me, tears and all. “I will love you forever and ever. I’m so sorry, I know it hurts. I know and I am so so so so fucking sorry. Please keep your eyes open. I know it hurts but momma can’t lose you. I know it's selfish but I need you Vi.” I begged as I pressed my forehead to hers. I could feel her body wracking with her own sobs as her hands balled into my shirt.

“I love you too momma.” Violette whispered. “Momma is my favorite. She is pretty and the one and only momma with purple eyes. Momma is the nicest momma. I’m sorry papa hurt momma. It’s okay now though. Cause now papa can’t hurt momma so momma can smile now. My favorite momma is when she smiles.”

“It’s okay.” I sobbed as I looked her in the eyes, her eyelids looking so painfully heavy. “Papa can’t hurt me anymore. I’ll smile more, for you. Only for you. So please stay with me. I’ll smile everyday if you stay. I love you more than anything. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’m sorry that I wasn’t a good momma. I’m sorry that I kept secrets and lied to you. I’m sorry that I let you get hurt. But I’ll try harder. I promise that I’ll be the best momma that I can be. So please stay with Momma.”

Nothing

No sobs, no labored breathing, her hand slipped from where it was clutched onto me.

“Violette?” I tapped her cheek, her eyes were still open but she was so still. I placed her onto the ground and pressed my ear to her chest, ignoring the blood. I couldn’t hear anything anymore. A whimper leaked out from me as I shook her, tapped her chin, tried anything to wake her up.

“No please. Vi, wake up. Stay with momma.” I whispered wetly as I choked on another sob, feeling for a pulse that I knew deep down wouldn’t be there. However, when I felt it gone, I felt something in me break. I don’t know what was left of me to break, but it did. I weeped over Violette’s still body as I begged for anything and everything under the moon. I said anything and everything that I had never said or didn’t say often enough. My whole body shook as I held her limp body close to my chest, burying my face in her knotted and dirty hair as I sobbed.

That one pure white feeling that kept me alive until now was now pooling at my feet in the color of red, mocking me as I wailed over the finality of this. She was gone. She wasn’t coming back. I couldn’t get her back. She was going someplace where I couldn’t follow her. I couldn’t breath over my tears as I pressed my forehead to hers. Her final moments were in pain. Horrible, unbelievable pain that I couldn’t aleve, no matter how much I wish I could.

She was only four.

She had only lived four of her years, while I lived seventeen. What kind of mother was I? I prayed to a God that I never believed in, that I knew if he did exist, it wasn’t for me, to let me give her my years.

Please bring my baby back. Please don’t make her last memory that of pain and suffering. Please don’t make the last thing I hear from her be pained gags and empty wet coughs. Don’t let this moment be our last together. I still had so much left to teach her. I still had to teach her how to finish reading her favorite book. How to write. I was going to teach her how to paint like how I used to back when I had a home to call my own. I was going to teach her, show her, how to sing. All the hobbies and passions that I had before I came to this wretched place, I was going to pass those down to Violette.  
I still had to buy her pretty clothes for her first day of school and pin her artworks and tests on the walls. I still had to build a life for just me and her. I was going to support her through her first relationship. And comfort her during her first breakup. I still had to give her all the opportunities and memories that I never got to make in my teens. I still needed to plan for her fifth birthday. It was only a few weeks away. It would be the first birthday without the fear of Kristian looming over me. The first birthday with just me and her. 

“Violette…” I whimpered as I looked at her again, her cold eyes staring away to somewhere beyond. With another pathetic sob, I raised my shaking hand to close her eyelids so that she looked like she was sleeping. I felt sick as I placed her body back onto the ground, pushing myself back until my shoulder blades touched the door. I pressed my head in between my knees, my bloodied hands clutching my hair as I wept on a silent scream. I was never going to hear her again. I was never going to see her. The times of her picking apart her dumplings so she could eat the wrapping first were now just a memory. The sounds of her hysterical cackling when she scared off another neighborhood bully were just a figment of my imagination. The feeling of her crawling into the bed with me so that we could scare away any nightmares that would plague either of us together was now just a dream to me. A far away dream that now mocked me. The warmness of her hugging me close, of her holding my hand, of her. The warmness that seemed to radiate off of her no matter what, everything that was Violette was warm.  
I had nothing. Nothing to look to for directions, nothing to love, nothing to make my pathetic and painful life seem better and more manageable. What was I supposed to do now? How was I supposed to live now? Without my everything to keep me afloat. What gave me the right to live a better life now that I had lost everything? What gave me the right to continue on with this disgusting existence after I had let my angel die at the hands of a titan? Monsters weren’t supposed to live with people. Monsters weren’t supposed to be happy. Monsters were supposed to have miserable lives and inflict that same misery on others-

Ah.

That’s why this is happening to me. I was a monster all along wasn’t I? I was meant to live a miserable life so it was only natural for the one person that gave that miserable life meaning to be swiped from me in a puddle of blood. So what would be the next step for a monster? After watching the white pure feeling be flooded with red, what would a monster do?

“Please God, I don’t want to die!” A woman screamed from outside followed by mechanical sounds zipping by. I felt nothing as I stood up on my shaky legs. I didn’t feel the ground under my feet as I turned around to face the door. I didn’t feel the blood that covered me entirely. I felt nothing as I walked outside.

This was the next step.

A monster should play the part.

I walked over to the body of a dead soldier that laid across the house, pulling out the blades that resided in his holster that he had left over. I didn’t bother to spare another glance or a word of thanks as I stepped over the dead body with the blades in my hands. I couldn’t feel the biting of the blade cutting into my palms nor the pain shooting up my left arm nor my legs as I jumped up to grab onto the low hanging roof of the house.

“Hurry towards the wall. This is your last chance to evacuate! Anyone who is left, please leave everything behind and run and follow the soldiers to the exit!” A man yelled over the thunderous steps of the titans but I paid him no mind as my eyes stayed fixated on a giant figure that wasn’t too far away. With the bloodied blades without handles still clutched in my shaking arms, I continued to hop from one roof to the other. Nothing but one goal played on repeat in my mind. Nothing else mattered. The pain, the cold, the weakness, all of it wouldn’t matter later. I didn’t plan to live any longer than this. I didn’t plan on making it out of Shiganshina alive.

A monster should make its voice known.

Make its pain known.

The world should know why the Monster is what it is.

Why it is what it is.

Get pain, give pain.

Those who make you into a monster are also the same as you.

A monster shouldn’t live, it’s life doesn’t matter.

It's only reason for existence is to exact fear and pain.

Nothing more, nothing less.

So it should die.

That’s right. The monster should die. My eyes stayed glued onto the titan as I came closer to it.

Kill those who hurt you.

Those who hurt you are monsters.

Kristian, Mom, Dad, That Man, Titans

They are all monsters.

You are a monster.

So they all should die.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~, it's MultiGoddess.  
> I really want to thank everyone who has been reading this. I'll be honest, I know kinda the direction I want to go but the how I'm going to get there is the issue lol. If you have any suggestions and tips I'm open. I like writing but I'm not really that great at it, as you can probably tell, but I want to get better.

Blood dripped from my palms as I skidded to a stop, my legs threatened to give out beneath me but I paid them no mind as I stared right at the last thing my eyes would see before this nightmare would be over. I could hear screaming somewhere far away, or maybe it was close. I didn’t know nor did I care.

“Please….” The woman that was being squished between the teeth of the Titan made eye contact with me, her hand shakily reaching out for me. Blood ran up and down her face as more bubbled to the surface. Even as I stared into her pained eyes, nothing came to me. I felt nothing, no sadness, no suffocating need to save her. I didn’t care whether she died in front of me or not. Even as her pleas became more frantic, I ignored her to clench onto the blades tighter, walking towards the lip of the roof, closer to the titan. “What are you doing? Save me!”

“Buzz off.” I growled as I looked back at the woman, who screamed as the titan bit down harder. “You’re going to die anyway, no matter what I do so just suck it up and die quietly.” The woman’s eyes widened in an emotion that I couldn’t comprehend. Even if I wasn’t in this empty state, I wouldn’t have been able to.

“Monster!” She gagged as she weakly punched at the Titan’s lips in a pathetic attempt to get it to let go. I didn’t know if she was talking about me or if she was talking about the Titan. As she continued to sob and beg, I turned my full attention onto the Titan. It was still turned a little away from me but it was close enough that if I jumped with everything I had left, I would be able to land on it. I looked down at the bloodied blades before letting them sit down onto the roof, using my torn skirt to wipe off as much blood as I could from my hands and the blade itself, ignoring the pain that shot up my arms. With the blades a little more dry and easier to hold, I righted myself again.

This was it.

Without hesitation, I leaped forward, my teeth gritted. I angled the blade in my right hand so that it stabbed into the Titan’s nape. I sucked in a breath at the pain that rocketed through my body, my arm screaming at me to let go. The woman had gone quiet and the Titan started to raise a hand towards me. I could hear someone screaming at me from somewhere in the back of my mind as I focused everything I had at using the second blade to gouge out the Titan’s nape and the first blade to rip it out. I cried out in pain as I could feel the bones in my left arm scrape together however I ignored the ever closer Titan hand as I pulled myself up so that my feet pushed on the second blade. Without gritted teeth, I kicked as hard as I could, the blade ripped deep into the nape before ripping out.  
The Titan went limp, its body tumbled towards the ground fast with me along with it. I didn’t have time to prepare for the landing as I felt my breath get knocked out of me and my vision blur, searing hot pain shooting through my entire body. I gagged as I tried to suck in any air that I could. Before my sight could correct itself, I clutched the long since broken blades in my shaking and bleeding palms and stood again.

Kill it.

‘I will’

Make it bleed

‘I will’

It killed her

‘I know’

It will kill you

‘I don’t care’

I rounded its head, climbing onto its large face. I could still hear yelling behind me but I didn’t care. I needed to finish what I had started before another Titan could come. I raised the broken blades before bringing them back down into the Titan’s face. Steam rose from its body as I did it once more, blood splattering onto me.

“Stop it!”

I ignored the pain shooting through my body and the steam suffocating me as I cried out another swing. With every swing I could see Violette’s bloody body. With every yell I could hear Violette’s voice. So again, I brought down the blades into the Titan’s sunken steaming face.

Again

Again

Again

Blood splattered onto my face, blocking my sight and filling my senses with rancid copper but I continued. I could feel my hands making contact with the hot searing muscle of the steaming Titan as the blade shattered further.

Die

Die

Die

“Fucking stop!” Before I could swing once more, something pulled me back, both of us tumbling onto the ground below with a wheeze. I finally opened my eyes, squinting, as I turned to look at the face of the man below me. My eyes strayed above, seeing Titans walking closer.  
My eyes widened as I strained my body to look for where Violette was hidden, the house had collapsed under the body of a dead Titan.

“You need to evacuate. Come on.” The soldier pulled us both up onto our feet before yanking me to follow him.

“Violette.” I gasped as we ran by the house where she was lying. I couldn’t leave her here. We were going to make a life together, so she had to come with me. I pulled my wrist from the man’s hold before sprinting towards the rubble, ignoring his yells and curses as I collapsed beside the house.

“Don’t worry baby. Momma’s here. I’ll get you out.” I cried as my shaky, destroyed hands pushed shards of rock and glass aside. She had to be here. I had to get here. There wasn’t a second option. I would die here with Violette by my side.

“What the hell? Come on!” The soldier yanked me back.

“Fuck off!” I thrashed in his hold, swinging my fist back to hit him away from me. It worked, by the sounds of his curses could prove. I crawled back to my spot and resumed digging into the rubble, ignoring the pain shooting up my hands. “She’s here. She has to be-” I sobbed when I could feel hair under my hand. I finally turned to look at the man for the first time, watching his blue eyes widen for a second before he dropped next to me.

“I must be fucking crazy.” He growled as he helped push the rubble away faster. “Don’t worry, we’ll get her out. Whoever the fuck, ‘her’ is.” I sobbed in relief as I nodded, turning to help as well. I could see her knotted hair and her forehead. With another push, I was able to wrap my hands around her and pull her free.

“Okay, now we definitely need to go!” The man yelled as he rushed me to stand on my shaking legs. I held Violette close to my chest as we ran towards the wall, dodging Titans when we had to. I forced my mind to steer clear of the sight of my angel’s limp body bouncing with each step we took.

“How the fuck did you manage to survive by yourself and kill a Titan without any training and proper gear?” The soldier more or less grumbled to himself as he pulled me into an alleyway to hide from another Titan. “You’re fucking bonkers lady.”

“It was a monster.” I stated plainly, my voice quiet. “Monsters need to be killed.”

“Uh. Yeah, sure.” The man looked at me with an emotion I once again couldn’t read before he pulled me out of the alleyway to resume running. “Just hold on until we get there okay? Don’t keel over until we get to the wall!”

“I won’t.” I promised. My legs still continued to threaten to give out and everything in me screamed in pain, my arm being the worst of it. Blood smeared everywhere I touched, but I still wouldn’t pass out. I had to get outside with Violette. I promised her a life outside of this hell hole, away from that house.

“Shit. We’re almost there.” The man cursed as he pushed me back into another alley, covering my body with his. His eyes were decidedly away from the body in my arms, instead looking up at the clouds in the sky.

Huh, it was nice out.

The sky was a pretty blue and the clouds were wispy white splotched in the sky. Birds continued to fly above, not even sparing a glance down at the carnage. Why was the sky so pretty while the ground was bathed in blood and bodies? Why were the birds allowed to just ignore this while they flew away from it all in the pretty blue sky? Why did I have to be forced to look at it all, the bodies being shoved in my face, invading my eyes and my nose?

What did I ever do?

I never did anything too bad. Yeah, I said some mean things in my life but who hasn’t? Sure, I lied but it was to protect Violette. I never went against my parents’ wishes. I listened to them perfectly but they still threw me to the wolves. I never hurt anyone on purpose. I never wished death on anyone. I never went against God. Even when my mind would linger on another man or woman, I remained loyal to the man who tried to kill me time and time again. I was good. I made sure of it. Yeah, I wasn’t perfect but who is? So why, after everything I did, was this happening to me?

“I’m sorry.” A whisper brought me back, noticing that my eyes had fallen from the blue sky to instead stare at the top of Violette’s head. I forced myself to tear my eyes away from the blood soaked hair to instead look up at the soldier. “About the girl. I’m sorry that this had to happen.”

“So am I.” I let out a small laugh as I hugged her limp body a little closer. “Thank you for this.” I tried to offer a polite smile to the young man. He couldn’t have been any older than his mid-twenties, he was handsome and in shape in the way that you expect of a soldier.

“No worries, it’s my job.” He scratched the back of his neck as he pushed us a little closer to the wall to hide further from the Titans walking by. “Ah, my name is Harlan Schneider.”

“Ah, I’m Lane-” I chose not to include a last name, it was useless anyway since he was dead now. I was no longer tied to that prick so there was no way in hell that I was going to keep that God forsaken last name. “Her name is Violette. Well her real name is Victoria but I call her Violette.”

“She is very beautiful.” Harlan smiled as he spared a glance outside the alley before turning back to me. “Both of your names are very pretty.” Before I could answer, he dragged us both out before returning to our sprint. I could see the wall and the canons, some soldiers still loading them and shoving a few people out of the exit.

“Harlan!” One of the soldiers yelled while waving her arms, motioning for us to hurry. “You crazy bastard! What are you doing?” When we got to the canons, Harlan pushed me behind them and turned back to the woman soldier.

“Mia, let’s go.” He yelled over the sound of cannons firing. “I think that was everyone. There is no way in hell anyone else is still out there and alive.” Mia spared a glance at me, her eyes locking onto Violette before turning her chocolate eyes back to Harlan.

“Yeah, let’s go. Everyone else already ditched. They said we were both insane to stay so let’s not flirt with our luck.”

“Yeah, come on.” Harlan turned back to me, walking purposefully as he ushered me out the exit quickly. We barely got in before Mia pulled the latch and the barricade was falling, barely closing before a Titan’s hand slapped into it.  
When the sound stopped everyone let out a collective breath of relief. Finally, my legs gave out, falling to the ground with Violette held tight to my chest. Her body wasn't warm anymore, it was almost like this morning, her body hugging mine close, her warm face buried in my neck was a figment of my imagination.

"Hey, is the kid dead?" Mia whispered into the fragile silence. I didn't answer, instead I hugged her closer and took a deep breath to collect myself, forcing the bile back down at the smell of blood. I opened my eyes, apparently I had closed them at some point, and looked to the two soldiers.

"Holy shit, you're hands!" Mia yelped over her own harsh breathing as she pushed herself closer to me. When she reached out to take my hands I clutched them tighter into Violette's dress, refusing to both acknowledge the pain shooting through my body and to let go of my child. It seemed that both of the soldiers seemed to take the hint and instead stood up.

"Can you stand?" Harlan grunted as he walked over to me to help me up. "If not I can carry you but you'll have to let go of Victoria so Mia can hold her." I nodded before going to stand, however when I tried my legs buckled once more, only this time the pain seemed to shoot back through me. It made sense. The adrenaline was no longer needed so the pain would naturally be coming back. However, I didn’t realize just how injured I truly was. 

“Here, I’ll hold her.” Mia whispered awkwardly as she kneeled down next to me, her eyes glued to Violette, unlike Harlan who decided to look anywhere but at her. “I promise that I’ll be super careful.”

“We need to hurry out of here.” Harlan added. I gritted my teeth, hugging Violette tightly once more before nodding to the two. No matter how much I wanted to keep my angel in my arms, I knew that it was impossible for me to walk on my own at this point. So, I conceded. Mia gently took Violette from my arms, which fell useless by my sides with numbing pain shooting down them. “Shit, you’re way more hurt than I thought.” Harlan sighed as he picked me up with one arm under the bend of my knees and the other behind my back in order to not hurt any of my injuries any worse. With a nod, we were off. Both of the soldiers quickened their pace so it was a fast jog.

“Ms. Lane, you need to stay awake. Okay?” Harlan’s voice was muddy as I kept my gaze on Violette. Her whole body bounced limply as they jogged, her eyes still lazily closed. Her face was a sick kind of pale as the blood that was smeared all over her seemed to wash her out. I felt sick as I reached my shaky hand out to just touch her, to make sure that she was still here. She wasn’t but I knew, I just wanted to feel her body to ensure that something was still left as proof. Proof that Violette had existed. Proof that she had made a difference in my life. Proof that I wasn’t crazy.  
My vision faded in and out as my whole body seemed to feel so much heavier. My fingers would give out before returning to their endeavor to outreach for my angel.

“Hey, Ms. Lane can you talk to me? Answer a question for me please, you need to stay awake.” Mia spoke this time as my eyes lazily hovered up to her dark eyes. They were flooded with an emotion that I had never seen before aimed towards me, but I knew what it was. It was a look that I would give Violette everytime she would fall over or hurt herself. A look that parents would give their children. Or a person would give to the person who they cared for. It was worry. She was worried. “Okay, thank you. How old are you? Can you tell me that?”

“17.” I mumbled as I lowered my eyes back to Violette, I didn’t like the look in Mia’s eyes.

“Okay, how old is your sister?”

“Sister?” I cocked an eyebrow at Mia as I sighed, ignoring the pain that shot through my back. “She’s my daughter and she is 4. She is turning 5 in a few weeks.” There were a few moments of silence, which I used to graze my bloody fingers on Violette’s bouncing knee.

“If you’re trying to keep me awake then you need to ask me more interesting questions.” I mumbled as my eyes started to slip close. The monotonous bouncing of them running was starting to make the world spin and my stomach lurch. “”I’m getting pretty bored.” Both of the soldiers laughed as I was shaken until my eyes opened again to look Harlan in the eyes.

“Okay. You scared me for a second. You need to keep your eyes open even if you feel sleepy.” He sighed before running a little faster. “How long have you been married? Do you know where your husband is?”

“I was married when I was 13 and my husband is currently in a Titan’s stomach.” I rolled my eyes, which just made my situation with the spinning world worse as I gagged.

“Jesus, fuck. Okay, we’re almost there so just don’t puke on me. Please.”

“Wimp, you’re covered in blood, what’s some vomit gonna harm?” I laughed hysterically as my eyes fell back to Violette. My brain was running a mile a second as I tried to grasp my sanity back.

‘I feel sick’

No that’s not what I was wanting to think.

‘The Titans ran stupid didn’t they?’

Nope, not that either.

‘You are staring at the corpse of you’re daughter’

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

The realization hit me again. What was even going on with my brain? Why did I forget? Was I actually going crazy? I went from feeling slap-happy to realizing the corpse that was next to me. This wasn’t what brains were supposed to do. Did I break mine? Fuck, I was staring at my 4 year old daughter’s corpse.  
This time when I reached out, it was with more determination. I stretched my screaming body enough so my whole hand felt her cold skin and her damp clothes. My breathing was going faster than the man who was carrying me in a sprint, how was that even possible? The nausea that I felt before came back with a vengeance as I slapped my other hand over my mouth but still, I kept my shaking hand on Violette. Neither of the soldiers said anything as horses and carriages came into view. I could hear the hysterical screaming and yelling of people from where we were even as my eyes started to slip closed. Darkness faded into the corners of my vision as the searing pain through my body became a dull throb that I could ignore along with the shaking and yelling. Maybe when I closed my eyes, I would get to see Violette. I kept my eyes on her as my vision faded and my hand slipped off of her limply.

I’ll see you soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, Multi again!  
> Thanks for reading even if you didn't like it. I'm open to any comments or suggestions that you may have. I am kinda proud of the way that I write Lane. I wanted to make her kind but also faulted, such as her morals and things like that but I'm not sure if that is what I accomplished.
> 
> Anyway~, who's your favorite character in AOT? Or least favorite?


	5. Chapter 5

A sharp ringing echoed in my head. God, shut up! It was starting to get really annoying. I would’ve opened my eyes to snap at it but my eyelids were so heavy. All I wanted was to slip back into the ever inviting black that beckoned me the longer the ringing split my head open. My mouth felt like it was full of cotton and everything still hurt, the dull throb from earlier coming back full force as every part of me felt like it was being ripped by the seams.

“She should be-” A voice slipped into my limbo uninvited. It kind of irked me, this was my place in my head, how dare you just waltz right in. But the longer I floated in between the black and the ringing the more I felt like I was forgetting something. What could I have possibly forgotten while floating about in my own mind? It was kind of ridiculous. It must not have been important if I had forgotten it so easily.

“Yessir, she killed a Titan-” Again that same voice interrupted my work. And just when I was starting to feel like I was getting closer to figuring out what I had forgotten. It would be so easy to tell the voice to shut up but nothing would move.

Okay, try again Lane. What could you have possibly forgotten? Try to retrace your steps, that’s what the Hag used to say when she still gave a shit. But no matter how hard I pushed my mushy brain to do its job everything was foggy and jumbled. But the one thing that kept crossing my mind was rusty brown hair and the phantom feeling of my heart squeezing. So it must’ve had something to do with Violette. Did something happen? God, this was annoying.  
It wasn’t her birthday yet so that couldn’t be it. Nothing important was scheduled soon so that also couldn’t be it. Kristian didn’t hurt her so that also cou-

“Momma?” A sweet voice beckoned me, something like heart splitting fear shot right through me as screams replaced the ringing that bounced in my skull. “Momm-”

“Violette!” I yelled as I shot up, my arm reaching for her. But I found that she wasn’t there at all. Instead a couple pairs of eyes were on me and her voice was gone like it had never been there to begin with.

“Ma’am?” A man holding a syringe in his fingers held out a placating hand as he took a step towards me. I flinched as he placed the same hand on my knee. “You’re awake.”

“What?” I swung my head around, ignoring the pain it resulted in as I looked for Violette. She wasn’t here. Where could she be? We had left Kristian behind, I remember that now, so she should be by my side. “Where am I?”

“Ma’am, you are in the hospital currently. You are lucky that these soldiers here got you here fast enough as well as getting out of Shiganshina without being devoured.” His words made my head pound as I tried so hard to listen. “Unfortunately, I cannot say as much for the child. You said she was her daughter, yes?” He turned his attention to, who I now remember is Harlan who had nodded.

Wait

My head started to pound viciously as the muddled pictures in my head started to right themselves. It made me feel sick.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am. Your daughter, Victoria had died long before she arrived here.” I was going to puke. “There was no saving her life. Victoria’s-”

“Violette.” I whispered as I dropped my head into my shaking palms. I hated the name that Kristian had given her, it grated on every nerve that I had that the doctor used it in such a robotic manner. Logically, I knew that he probably cared very little about her death, this had to be one of many deaths that had happened. But he could at least act like this was grave, make it seem like I wasn’t losing my mind as I tried to catch my breath.

“Ah, yes. Violette.” He cleared his throat before he continued. “Her body has already been burned, you understand that there is not enough room for more graves at the moment.”

“You burned her!” I felt sick as I shot up to grab him by the collar. Her body was gone. She was gone. Violette was no longer here. There was no corpse for me to see that would justify my mind collapsing. They took the last choice that I could make for her away from me. “No, no, no, fuck, no.” I sobbed before I could stop myself, throwing the doctor away from me as I tried to breathe.

Why can’t I breathe?

“Give her back!” I choked. I knew it was impossible, hysterical even, but I felt like everything in my life was exploding in front of me and all I could do was beg and cry like I was a baby. I had lost my baby. “I want my baby! Fuck, why? Why? Why? You, fuck, she’s gone.”

“Ma’am, please calm down. It was a necessary-”

“Go fuck yourself you quack!” I screamed on what little breath that I still had as I curled in on myself, shielding my broken form from the world. “You took her from me! I can’t see her anymore! Just one more time, please!” I choked on my own spit as I shook. I couldn’t see her anymore. The last time I saw her was through a blackening lens. All I wanted was to see her once more, just once, was that too much to ask? I gasped as I tried harder to breathe.

At this rate, I was really going to die. If I died, I would be able to see Violette again, so maybe it wasn’t so bad. But then again, I was a monster. And Violette was an angel, so even if I died here I wouldn’t be able to see her. Monsters don’t get to go where angels do.

“Fu..ck.” I choked as I curled tighter into myself. “Why can’t I breathe?” I sobbed as I pulled at my shirt to ease the pressure on my windpipe but even then, I couldn’t breathe.

“Mrs. Lane, breathe.” A recognizable voice poked through the panic, Harlan. I chuckled through the gasps at his command. It really was the idea of the century.

“Yeah, I fucking know that!” I yelled weakly as I could feel a hand take mine and something warm and sturdy against my palm. It slowly rose and fell under my shaky hand as I instinctively followed its lead. My skin buzzed under the incessant ringing that coursed through my veins, I wanted to tear my skin off just so it would stop.

I stayed like that, curled up and heaving, until I gathered myself enough to sit back up with the help of Harlan. I would need to thank him for his kindness at some point but not now, I had more important things to focus on. My eyes immediately focused back on the, now irritated, doctor. He was tapping a pen on his clipboard with an eyebrow cocked as I scowled at him.

“Are you ready?” He sighed as he walked back over towards me. I didn’t grace him with a verbal response, because honestly anything that would come out of my mouth would be hateful, as I nodded for him to speak.

“Okay. As I said earlier, we went ahead and cremated your daughter’s body as you were unconscious for too long to allow us an answer. I understand that it is difficult to process and painful to hear but you need to understand that because of the high casualty rate, we don’t have much room for graves. This was the only way to prevent an epidemic from happening.”

“How long was I out?” I mumbled as I leaned against the headboard, my whole body felt like it was being weighed down by a Titan. All I wanted was to blink out, maybe then I could see Violette in my dreams.

“About four days. You had plenty of injuries on top of over exhaustion so it wasn’t surprising. Now, I have to go attend to my other patients. If you need anything, inform the soldiers.” He walked out before anyone could say anything, which I was thankful for. If I had to look at his face for another second I would probably scream.

“Uh, Mrs. Lane?” Mia finally spoke from where she had been standing in the corner. Why was she so far away? Before I could ask her, she walked quickly to my side, holding her closed hands out as she sank into my bedside. “Before they… burned her….. I grabbed this off of her dress. I thought you might want this?”

I eyed her suspiciously before taking what she held. It was Violette’s royal blue ribbon. It was on her favorite dress that I had to save up for four months to get. She said that it made her feel like a princess, it was her favorite color just because of its name. I could feel the hot tears clinging to my eyelashes as I turned the long ribbing in between my fingers. Without thinking, I tied the ribbon around my thin, pale wrist. If I couldn’t see Violette again, this would do. 

“Thank you.” I whispered as I kept my eyes on the ribbon, then something odd hit me.

“Wait. Why do I have soldiers guarding me? I’m not a criminal or anything, am I?” I looked back up to the young soldiers as they twitched where they stood.

“About that,” Harlan sighed as he sat in one of the wooden chairs to my side. “People wanted to speak to you earlier but you were still out. So, we have to keep an eye on you to make sure you don’t disappear before they see you.”

“Who? Or, wait. Why would someone need to speak to me?”

“Lane. I mean, Mrs. Lane-”

“Lane is fine.”

“Okay, Lane. You killed a Titan without any training, ODM gear and broken blades. That should be near impossible but you somehow managed it. Of course people want to see you.”

“You sound like you’re bragging about me.” I waved him off as I laughed hollowly.

“No, listen to me. What you did was nothing short of amazing. You got your first Titan kill without the means to do it.”

“First? First of what, many? I’m not a soldier. That’s not my job-”

“Mrs. Quinn?” A low voice interrupted the tirade that was happening between us. I turned to see an intimidatingly tall man. His blonde hair and blue eyes only serve to help with his intimidation factor. Both Harlan and Mia bowed before stepping to the side to allow room for him to stand next to me. A smaller man with black hair slipped in silently as he stood next to the blonde man, looking at me like he was measuring something. What that ‘something’ was, I didn’t know.

“Yes?” I anxiously fiddled with Violette’s ribbon as I kept my eyes on his blue eyes. “Who are you?”

“I am Commander Erwin Smith and this is Captain Levi of the Survey Corps, we wanted to speak to you about the happenings of Shiganshina if you don’t mind.” He gave me a placating smile as he waited for me to give him the okay to continue.

“Why would the Survey Corps want anything to do with me?” I glanced at the black haired man-Captain Levi- before looking back at Commander Erwin. “I’m a housewife, or I was.”

“Mrs. Quinn, could you explain to me what happened in Shiganshina before I answer that question?” Commander Erwin smiled again as he took a seat in the chair that Harlan vacated.

“Nothing much. The Titan kicked the wall and more Titans came in.” I shrugged as I opted to keep my eyes on the ribbon.

“Yes, I recall that. What I meant was, your recount. What did you see?” His voice was kind, but the presence of the Captain who had yet to say a word and continued to stare at me calculatingly still sent shocks of nerves up my spine.

“Ah, yeah. Sure.” I took a deep breath before closing my eyes. Maybe if I couldn’t see anything, nothing would exist. It would be fine. “The wall broke and Titans poured in. My daughter and I were already leaving a bad situation so on top of running from Titans, we were running from my husband.” I spared a glance at the Commander, who wasn’t looking at me. It seemed like he was thinking or imagining it as if he were there.

“We hid and we didn’t hear my husband sneak up on us until it was too late. I told my daughter to run while I kept my husband busy. When I found my daughter again, she was being bit by a Titan but it dropped her. After that, I don’t really know, it’s kinda fuzzy but I do remember killing the Titan.” I stopped, opting to keep out the part about my daughter dying in my arms, looking back up to the two men, Harlan and Mia had left the room entirely. The Commander nodded before looking back to me.

“Yes, that lines up with what the soldier told us. You killed the Titan with handle-less blades and without ODM gear, correct?”

“Yes-”

“What about the husband?” Captain Levi finally spoke, his eyes staring straight into mine. “You said that you were keeping him busy but other than that, nothing. Did he get eaten by a Titan?”

“I fed him to one.” I spoke honestly. I did feed him to a Titan, I kicked him out and let the Titan eat him. But still, as I thought back on it, I couldn’t find remorse. He deserved it for threatening Violette. Both of the soldiers shared a look before the smaller one nodded.

“And your daughter? I assume she died?” Captain Levi continued to calculate my reactions, I could feel it. I didn’t like it, it felt like I was being dissected.

“Yes, that’s why I killed the Titan.” Captain Levi sighed, looking a little annoyed as he shared a look with the Commander before continuing.

“Weren’t you scared of being devoured? You are a citizen, right?” The answer wasn’t that hard so my answer followed soon after he finished his piece.

“No, it’s only right for a monster to take down another monster so there was no reason to be scared. I was just fulfilling my duty.” Stunned silence followed for a few seconds as the two soldiers shared another look. It was starting to get on my nerves, if they had something to say then they could just say it. I was never great at reading people.

“So, you’re a monster, Mrs. Quinn?” The Commander spoke this time, his eyebrow quirking up as he spoke.

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be? I fed my own husband to a Titan and let another woman get eaten just so I could get revenge for my daughter.” I shrugged. “That doesn’t sound like something a good person would do. Not like I was planning to live after that anyway.” I mumbled the last part more or less to myself as I fidgeted under the two men’s gazes. Minutes passed and they still hadn’t spoken so I took it upon myself to lessen the awkward silence.

“So, now that I’ve answered your questions can you answer mine?” I looked at the blonde man. “What do the Survey Corps want to do with me?” Once again they traded glances before the Commander nodded his head. The man stood from his seat, looking straight into my eyes as the Captain walked over to stand by his side instead of on the other side of my bed.

“Mrs. Quinn, we wanted to invite you to join the Survey Corps. You would be a useful asset because of your lack of fear of death and the fact that you seem to be resourceful. We would be able to properly teach you how to operate the ODM gear, only improving your usefulness.” Commander Erwin spoke clearly and loudly like he was a trained public speaker. “Because of the tragedy of Wall Maria, we are lacking soldiers and we are certain the number of recruits after this will also diminish since people now have seen Titans up close. However, when you saw a Titan up close, you chose to kill it with equipment that you didn’t understand. That is commendable and because of that, we want you on our side.”  
I stayed quiet for a few moments, soaking in the words before I voiced my questions again.

“I’m a housewife.”

“We are aware.”

“I have never killed anything besides this moment. It could have been a fluke.”

“We are also aware of that.” The Commander nodded. “However, even if it was a fluke, the gamble is low risk.”

“I’m not very friendly with people my age.” With that the Commander chuckled with a hint of a warm smile.

“You wouldn’t be the first.” My eyes wavered, instead choosing to focus on the ribbon on my wrist. Was there any reason to continue on? I had been sure that I was going to die back there, with Violette. Do I have the right to continue living when Violette hadn’t even been given the choice? Do I want to? But then again, maybe if I joined the Survey Corps, I would be able to go back to Shiganshina and retrieve her baby pictures. Thinking back on it now, I really should have taken them with me, especially if I didn’t have the chance to see her now.

“Okay.” I mumbled, my eyes still on Violette’s ribbon. “But, I’m only saying yes because I want to go back to Shiganshina. I have things that I need to retrieve.”

“Of course.” The Commander nodded as if my reasoning wasn’t completely bonkers. “We’ll make sure that when the time comes to reclaim Maria, you will be able to retrieve your things.”

\----

Levi made sure to keep an eye on the girl from where he sat in the carriage. She hadn’t said a word since the quack of a doctor had given her the okay to leave the medical ward. Hell, her eyes hadn’t even looked away from the ribbon on her wrist. If Levi was being honest, he was still a little hesitant with Commander Erwin’s decision, but he would trust him.

“Where is she going to be stationed?” Levi turned himself towards the Commander as he spoke, nodding his head in the girl’s direction.

“It’s only natural for a novice to learn the ropes from one of the best.” The Commander offered Levi a polite but masked smile. He was up to something, the ravenette could tell.

“And who would that be?” Levi challenged the Commander, however the man did not seem to be deterred even in the slightest.

“You of course, Captain Levi.” The Commander laughed good-naturedly. “Captain Hange has their second-in-command Moblit so I thought it would only be natural that you would have a second-in-command as well.”

“And that second-in-command is going to be a mentally unstable housewife?” Levi cocked an eyebrow as he looked at the Commander. “Plus she doesn’t have any training whatsoever. Hange didn’t have to train Moblit. Why should I have to train my ‘second-in-command’?”

“She has promise Captain Levi. While, yes, this is just a gamble. If she is trained well enough she should be a great fit for you. You won’t have to worry about being second guessed and her fearing the Titans because she doesn’t.”

“I can hear you two.” The girl mumbled, her eyes still nonchalantly staring at the ribbon. “I don’t really mind you regretting your decision but I am no longer a housewife.” She sighed as her eyes finally looked up to make eye contact with Levi’s. Now that he was looking straight into her eyes, he noticed that they really were a shade of purple, odd. “So you would just get a mentally unstable second-in-command, apparently.”

“Well, aren’t you swift to declare yourself a widow?” The Commander chuckled politely as he rested his elbows in his knees to better look the girl in the eyes. The lack of response in her eyes was something that Levi could recognize, relate to, even. As he tried to read her body language, he quickly decided that it was meaningless. There was nothing behind her eyes, nothing seeped into her muscles to give away any other intention besides surrendering herself to this life.

“It’s not like I loved the devil.” She hummed as she rested her cheek in her palm. “He was the bane of my existence.”

“Ah, I see.” The Commander seemed to be thinking of something but decided against voicing it as he returned his attention to the girl. “Ms. Quinn, then. May I ask your full name?”

“Lane Emilia Quinn. Fancy, isn’t it.” She cocked a dark eyebrow as she spared a glance to Levi before looking back to the blonde man. “It was probably the only thing in my life that my parents actually put effort into.”

“I think it is very unique, pretty even.” The Commander still maintained his gentlemen-like aura as he smiled at the girl. “How old was your daughter, if I may ask?”

“She’s four. Turning five in a few weeks.” The Commander nodded as he looked back to Levi as if he had something to say. However, the ravenette man couldn’t think of anything to add. It’s not like he gave a shit about this girl, she just showed promise so he would have to deal with her. But there was something that was bugging him. Something that ate at the back of his mind as his eyes stayed glued onto the small girl.  
She couldn’t be that old, her frame could tell him that much. But she already had a daughter that was turning five. Plus she didn’t think twice about feeding her late-husband to a Titan.

“How old are you?” Levi finally spoke, eyes leveling with the girl.

“17. Almost 18.” She answered easily as she returned the hard glare to Levi.

“And you already had a daughter that is turning five? What were you, 13, when you had her?” Levi started tapping the toe of his shoe in the floor of the carriage, his blue eyes not leaving the violet eyes.

“Yes. It wasn’t like I had a choice in the matter.” She almost growled, which Levi could count as an achievement if he so wanted to. It was the most emotion that either men had gotten out of her since they first spoke to her. But before Levi could ask a follow-up question, the carriage stopped, signaling that they had finally arrived. Lane cocked an eyebrow at the Captain as she watched him to see if he had something else to say. But he didn’t, well he did, but there wasn’t enough time. So, for now, he would have to concede.

“Here.” Commander Erwin caught the girl’s attention from where he stood beside her, apparently he had already hopped out of the carriage. The blonde man held his hand out to her, the other resting inside the top of the roof so that her head wouldn’t hit it. It was kind of amusing to Levi, the poor girl probably thought that the Commander was a kind gentleman. Just wait till she gets sent out on an expedition, she will find out just how ‘kind’ the Commander can be when handing out death sentences to soldiers.  
The girl goes to reach a pale hand for the Commanders before retracting it slightly. Her eyes stayed on the man for a second, sliding down to look at his palm. Levi kept his eyes on hers, watching the interesting shade of violet reflect the setting sun. Her face glowed with the sun but also seemed to wash out with the light. Her pale skin seemed thin and battered while her lips blushed a coral shade that mirrored the sunset as the corners pouted. Her eyelashes were long and black but also clumped from the dirt and sweat that still covered her. It was odd, the man thought, how someone could be so contradictory.

With a deep breath and flick of her violet eyes, that seemed different somehow, the girl took the Commander’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again~  
> Sorry for the slow update, I had a lot of trouble trying to write Captain Levi. I still don't have it down quite yet but I want to work on that.  
> Thanks a lot for all of the love and support, it really keeps me going! If you have any comments, suggestions, or pointers I would love to hear them. And even if you ended up not liking it, thank you for taking the time to read it and I promise to get better.
> 
> What kind of songs/music do you guys/girls/peeps like?
> 
> I listen to Rina Sawayama, Mitski, Mother Mother, Co Shu Nie and a lot of other stuff like musicals and others. If you want you can recommend me bands/singers/songs to listen to! I really love music


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